The Coffee Jesus

It's 2:36 in the morning, and one question has been heavy on my mind all day:

How do I make money?

I still don't have a good answer. But I grabbed a clipboard and wrote down a progression I feel more or less confident about. In capital letters, even. (Piece No. 3 explains why that matters.)

Somewhere around step eight, I noticed something funny. My name is The Coffee Jesus. And I don't sell coffee.

Let's fix that.

The first six steps cost what I already have: a laptop, a phone, and something to say. Writing, a blog, economics, videos. You're reading step three right now.

Step six is the big one. "I want to create a growing environmental stewardship movement." That's the line that keeps me up at 2:36 in the morning.

Before the truck, there's an easier way to get coffee into your hands: the mail.

A coffee club. Every month I mail you a different bag of coffee, and I go deep on the science of it and all the little details. Who doesn't like coffee?

I love coffee shops so much. That's the culture I came from, and I want to be part of it again.

It isn't open yet. The newsletter is where I'll say when.

Here's where it gets real.

Two-thirds of American adults drink coffee every day, about three cups each, according to the National Coffee Association. Somebody has to bring it to them.

A coffee truck isn't cheap. One guide puts the start anywhere from $20,000 to $150,000. Toast, the restaurant software company, puts a typical start near $60,000: around $30,000 for a used truck, and $10,000 to $20,000 for the espresso machine, grinders and water filtration. Then insurance, a county permit, and the beans.

And every mile of it goes on camera. That's step nine.

Next comes a roastery, so the beans are mine too. A small commercial roaster runs real money: Mill City Roasters' 2-kilo electric model started at $15,000 when it launched in 2023.

Then I move the whole operation off-grid. Power from the sun, which I'm going to learn on camera anyway.

The full cultivation cycle means growing the coffee myself. Seed to cup.

Yes, coffee grows in California. Farmers in Southern California have been at it for years, and a company called Frinj started handing out coffee plants to growers in 2014. A tree takes three to four years to give its first harvest. It also can't take frost: the University of Florida lists arabica for USDA zones 10 and 11. So, greenhouses. And patience.

I said millions, so let's do the math.

At $5 a cup, a million dollars a year in sales is about 548 cups a day. Every day. Christmas included. That's a lot of coffee, and that's before a single cost.

It's big. It's thirteen steps. And I'm on step one.

The Coffee Jesus retires.

Or does he?

Let's make some coffee. The hell with it. We ball.